Microsoft’s “Xbox One” Post Livestream Thoughts

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Ugh, just, no please..

So Microsoft officially revealed details on their latest crock of shit, the Xbox One, with their highly anticipated livestream event. So, how did they do?

Well for starters, the damn event took place in a tent. This has nothing to do with the Xbox One, but come on people. It’s not that hard to book a convention center or something. You’re fucking Microsoft. You have money to rent a place for a day.

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There’s plenty of places you can rent out for this, guys.

Second of all, they settled for what could possibly the dumbest name choice ever. First you have the Xbox, then the Xbox 360. Okay, what’s next? Xbox 720? Xbox 3? No, the Xbox One. NOT the first Xbox: the Xbox One. I’d rather call the fucking thing the Durango.

Third is that this thing offers tons of features and innovations that nobody fucking cared for. Sure, you can “snap” a page of Internet Explorer (LOL) onto the side of a movie, but why bother?  Redeveloped voice control? Nobody uses voice control for more than 10 minutes anyways because you’d look like a massive idiot. And I swear to God, they said 5 billion transistors almost 5 billion times. We get it; it’s a big number, but utilizing repetition here just makes you guys sound silly.

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5 BILLION TRANSISTORS
5 BILLION TRANSISTORS

And finally, where are the games? Yeah, we saw that pre-rendered Forza trailer, Call of Duty: Ghosts,  and the shitty EA Sports rehashes,  but there were no actual gameplay movies or anything. Microsoft promises 15 unnamed exclusives early in the system’s life, but so far, most of them are shitty Kinect games, and God knows what a huge demographic the Extreme Kinect Enthusiasts are. At least the Playstation 4 revealed 3 promising exclusives and some multi-platform games.

The damn thing looks more like a multi-media center that just so happens to play Xbox One games. And that sad part is that the system is still going to do fine because casuals and Xbros will blindly buy this system for their Halo and Call of Duty fix. Am I biased towards the Playstation 4 after this Xbox One reveal? Not at all, because that sucked just as hard. So what AM I settling for this gen? These guys:

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Even though Nintendo has been getting really shitty like most companies lately, at least they have some good games coming out on their systems. Wonderful 101, Project X, Pokemon, Bayonetta 2, Monster Hunter, Animal Crossing, and a bunch of other games that actually pique my interest, unlike Xbox One’s four of five EA Sport games, and you guys already know how I feel about EA in general.

With a PC, at least you can emulate older systems and stay up to date with PC releases, like Sanctum 2 (which is fun as shit, by the way). Plus you can do PC stuff, and stuff…

So, that’s my personal view on Microsoft’s latest system. Am I getting it? Well, no.  Unless the library for it grows exponentially with good games, it doesn’t have a chance to me. My choices for this gen are the Wii U, 3DS, and PC, even though Nintendo went full on douchebag with their latest revenue incident.

Can’t wait for the next next Xbox to impress me!

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