Mario Party Is Dangerous


Anyone who has played a Mario Party game knows how much a joke it is when this game is geared towards families.

So my girlfriend’s coworker mentioned how her and her friends were going to play Mario Party sometime, and it sparked a fiery determination in her heart. She wanted to play Mario Party with me, no matter what. She’s not very experienced with games, so naturally I warned her about the legendarily powerful effect Mario Party can have on people’s relationships with one another. Nicknamed by many as “The Friendship Breaker,” Mario Party is speculated to be responsible for 150,000 deaths a year due to players strangling and assaulting one another. Of course, those number are made up, but whatever, moving on.

I eventually caved and decided to play a brief 15 round game on Mario Party 8 with her. How’d it go?


  1. Mario – Me
  2. Waluigi – Computer
  3. Wario – Computer
  4. Yoshi – Girlfriend

Needless to say, she’s not very happy with me right now. At. ALL. She started out well, then just dropped the ball around the 5 turn mark by getting her star stolen by Bowser. Meanwhile, I got a free star and plenty of cash to waste, buying candies left and right because I felt like it. I made sure to toot my horn as much as possible to give her the genuine experience of the homicidal rage these games make you feel.

She might still be mad at me, but who cares, because I won! Haha!


I hope she doesn’t read this.


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